


STILES STILINSKI: User Guide and Manual

by wednesdaythunder



Series: User Guide and Manuals [2]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Multi, any and all ships tbh, user guide and manual
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-14
Updated: 2015-07-14
Packaged: 2018-04-09 08:21:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4341170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wednesdaythunder/pseuds/wednesdaythunder
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>CONGRATULATIONS! You have now purchased your very own STILES STILINSKI unit! To allow you, the owner, to unlock your unit’s full potential as a companion, boyfriend, extra son and/or money-maker, we have taken it upon us to provide with this Users Guide and Manual. It is our strong recommendation that you read this pamphlet thoroughly before attempting to handle your unit, as mistreat of a STILES STILINSKI unit can at best lead to passive aggressive moping, at worst to being framed for murder.</p>
            </blockquote>





	STILES STILINSKI: User Guide and Manual

**Author's Note:**

> Original idea by [0ptimuspenguin](https://www.fanfiction.net/u/1664187/0ptimuspenguin) \- previously known as LolliDictator  
> Disclaimer: I do not own Teen Wolf; 0ptimuspenguin came up with the original idea and blessed the Hetalia fandom with it, and sadly - SADLY, I do not have a factory that makes these... (otherwise I would totally have like five myself)

**CONGRATULATIONS!** You have now purchased your very own STILES STILINSKI unit! To allow you, the owner, to unlock your unit’s full potential as a companion, boyfriend, extra son and/or money-maker, we have taken it upon us to provide with this Users Guide and Manual. It is our strong recommendation that you read this pamphlet thoroughly before attempting to handle your unit, as mistreat of a STILES STILINSKI unit can at best lead to passive aggressive moping, at worst to being framed for murder.

 

**Technical Specifications:**

Name: _404 – text cannot be found_ Stilinski. Will respond to “Stiles”, “Bilinski”, “dude”, “kiddo”, “bro”, and with reluctance to “right testicle” and “idiot”.

Age: 17

Place of Manufacture: Potsdam, Germany

Height: 178 cm / 5’10”

Weight: 66,8 kg / 147 lbs (of pale skin and fragile bones)

 

**Your STILES STILINSKI unit comes with the following accessories:**

One (1) red hoodie with sipper

Seven (7) graphic t-shirts of various models and colours

One (1) laptop

Five (5) books on supernatural creatures, places and events

Ten (10) veils of mountain ash

One (1) aluminium baseball bat

One (1) Star Wars DVD box

 

Special custom order:

One (1) custom made baby-blue Jeep

 

**Programming:**

The STILES STILINSKI unit is equipped with the following traits:

Law Enforcement: Your STILES STILINSKI unit has an affinity to find patterns and solve mysteries, which makes him a great cop or detective.

Chef: After spending years feeding both himself and his father, the STILES STILINSKI unit is more than capable to handle the stress of a professional kitchen, and will efficiently work his way from dishwasher to sous chef in the matter of months.

Mage: While being a rather unorthodox profession, with irregular pay and sometimes downright life-threatening working conditions, there are few units we offer with the same level of expertise in the practise of magic. The STILES STILINSKI unit is excellent with all kinds of protective charms and wards, a good seer, as well as a decent exorcist. We, the makers, here-by give all claims to this unit to the owner and will not be held responsible for any ancient spirits the unit might summon.

IT Support: Need quick money - or is your computer just messing with you? Several sources point to that your STILES STILINSKI unit can provide with all kinds of technical support, so get him an internship A.S.A.P.

 

 **Removal of your** **STILES STILINSKI** **unit from Packaging:**

While STILES STILINSKI is not a violent unit in any way, there is a possibility that due to his clumsiness he might hurt himself or others if not removed from the packaging properly, especially if he was damaged during shipment. There is also a possibility that you might rub him the wrong way as a first impression, and that is not a position you want to be in right from the start.

  1.   Carefully take of the lid and then just walk away. It might take some time, but sooner or later your STILES STILINSKI unit will get up because he is bored and/or hungry. Greet him with a smile when he does and make introductions, then insist on making him a sandwich regardless of whether he is hungry or not – your unit will appreciate the gesture. While he eats you are free to reprogram him.
  2.   If you do not have the time to wait for your STILES STILINSKI unit to wake up by himself, and you are of an age between 16 to 27 years old, presuming that the package wasn’t jostled during shipment, you can lift the lid off and wake him up by kissing him. Note that this instruction is not recommended if you do not intend to be in a romantic relationship with your unit. However, you can alternatively ask another unit whom you do intend your STILES STILINSKI to be together with, and have them kiss him instead.
  3.   Put on any film from the Marvel franchise and watch as the STILES STILINSKI unit scramble out of his box to watch the film. DO NOT try to turn the film off after successfully waking up your STILES STILINSKI unit and removed him from his packaging, lest you want him to despise you. After the film, you will be free to reprogram him.
  4. If you have access to a SCOTT MCCALL unit, you can ask him to wake his friend up. Be aware that this method might not always be successful though – it depends on the SCOTT MCCALL unit’s mode and devotion to the task.



 

**Reprogramming:**

After successfully removing your STILES STILINSKI unit from packaging, it is possible to reprogram him into one of the following settings:

_Rambling (default)_

_Sarcastic (default)_

_Evaluating_

_Mischievous_

_Aroused_

_Anxious (locked)_

The STILES STILINSKI unit comes in the default modes of _Rambling_ and _Sarcastic_. In _Rambling_ , your unit will talk your ear off, especially if he is nervous in anyway, or when he happens to spot a LYDIA MARTIN unit. While it would seem easier to just tune him out, it is advised that you listen to what he says from time to time – it usually becomes important later.

As for _Sarcastic_ , it often goes hand in hand with the other default setting, making STILES STILINSKI give witty commentary where- and whenever he deems it necessary. The easiest way to access this mode is to put him in the same room as a DEREK HALE unit, and he will, if nothing gives, start to talk about said DEREK HALE’s eyebrows.

STILES STILINSKI also comes with an _Evaluating_ mode set, which he goes into every time he meets new people or are presented with any kind of problematic. You can also access this setting by simply asking your STILES STILINSKI unit for his opinion about something or someone, and if he finds you trustworthy he will lay it onto you, otherwise he will fall back into the default _Sarcastic_.

The next setting that is possible to reprogram your unit to is _Mischievous_. The mode can be accessed by telling him that it’s “mischief night” and perhaps suggest anyone you wish for him to prank, but otherwise it is more or less completely out of your hands when he enters this mode. The STILES STILINSKI unit is known to be persuasive enough that he will also pull in other units into his plans, so be aware.

 _Aroused_ is a rather whimsical setting, and it is not always clear what has made the STILES STILINSKI step into the mode – though other times it is painfully obvious. Remember that your unit is a teenage boy at heart and will not always be able to control his body functions, and don’t make fun of him or push him too hard in this mode since it might unlock _Anxious._

There is only one locked setting to the STILES STILINSKI unit: _Anxious_. It is unlocked in an emotionally stressful environment, and might go as far as to set off a panic attack. The best way to handle the setting is to help him out of it, by making him do breathing exercises and/or watch through the Star Wars DVD box, enclosed in his original packaging. It is also possible for you to have a SCOTT MCCALL, LYDIA MARTIN or DEREK HALE unit help you get your STILES STILINSKI out of _Anxious_.

 

**Relationship with Other Units**

SCOTT MCCALL: The STILES STILINSKI and SCOTT MCCALL units are thick as thieves, seeing themselves as brothers rather than “just” best friends, and are known to give their artificial life for one another if the situation calls for it. They can also be rather stupid and easily miscommunicate on simple matters, so it would be good for you as an owner to keep an eye on them and settle any misunderstanding they might have going on between them as fast as possible, just for everyone’s wellbeing.

DEREK HALE: Upon receiving your unit, he will start off being half scared, half intrigued by all and any DEREK HALE units in your area. While this dynamic can be seen as a funny kind of friendship for some, mainly by 40 year old men, it can through the eyes of devoted fangirls be seen as unresolved sexual and emotional tension. Left at their own devices, these two are one of the most likely parings to happen, and furthermore a romance most likely to last, within the units we offer.

LYDIA MARTIN: STILES STILINSKI unit’s admiration for the LYDIA MARTIN model knows no bounds, and he is very likely to fall in love with her on sight. Whether he will move on to actually initiate a romantic relationship with her is a matter of circumstance – like if there are any JACKSON WHITTEMORE units who have already caught LYDIA MARTIN’s attention, and if there are any life-threatening situations at hand. With your determination, these two may become lovers, but they may also love each other as siblings. We advise you to know what goal you have for their relationship before having them introduced.

MALIA TATE: This unit is recorded to have been STILES STILINSKI’s first girlfriend, and these two will naturally gravitate toward each other upon meeting. If your unit is not romantically interested in anyone else, it is safe to say that he will want to initiate a relationship with MALIA. MALIA TATE units are known for being very protective over STILES units, and it may take a while for your unit to get with that program, as he will feel crowded by her at first.

LIAM DUNBAR: Although their age difference is rather minor, the STILES STILINSKI unit views himself as kind of guardian/older brother to any and all LIAM DUNBAR units. This will provoke a rather, in lack of a better word, mothering side of your unit’s personality and STILES will continuously go out his way to make sure that all LIAM DUNBAR units are safe and behaving properly.

 

**Cleaning**

The STILES STILINSKI unit is perfectly capable of taking care of his hygiene and would appreciate to be left alone while showering. Just buy some soap, perhaps.

 

**Feeding**

If you make sure to have stocked your kitchen, STILES STILINSKI will most likely use the groceries at their disposal to cook up a meal. Don’t expect your unit to give you breakfast every morning, however, since the STILES STILINSKI unit is a far cry from a morning person.

**Rest**

“Whimsical” is a good word to describe the STILES STILINSKI unit’s sleeping patterns, as he will stay up for hours if something has caught his interest, and tends to fall asleep where he stands.

 

**FAQ**

Q: My unit keeps glaring at my friend even though they’ve done nothing wrong! What the hell?

A: Most likely your STILES STILINSKI unit has gone out of his _Evaluating_ mode with the conclusion that your friend is a shady character and not to be trusted. We would like to remind you that this unit his hardly ever wrong about these things and so you should cut all ties with this person before something awful happens.

Q: Without any explanation, a broken thing of mine (like a television, phone, car, etc) started to work again after my unit looked or touched it!

A: No one knows how or why that happens – not even the STILES STILINSKI units themselves. This matter is to be researched when we got time. Until then, good for you?

Q: For a while now, all he ever does is mutter to himself and work with stuff on some bulletin board. When I ask what’s up he lies to my face. Very badly I might add.

A: It is likely that your unit had come across some mystery or problem that is bothering him and it has sent him into _Evaluating_ mode. You can either a) choose to try to pull the truth out of your unit – but we advise you to not belittle whatever problematic your unit seems to be facing, b) leave him be and hope that he comes around or c) ask a SCOTT MCCALL or LIAM DUNBAR unit what is going on, since these are most likely to cave if they think you mean well.

 

**Troubleshooting**

Problem: Your unit suddenly started to walk and talk differently, stare at you with cold, steady eyes and you find yourself fearing for your life.

Solution: Congratulations! You have successfully unlocked your STILES STILINSKI unit’s hidden _Void_ mode! Your unit is currently possessed by a demonic Japanese fox spirit and will go on a rampage to create chaos very soon if he has not already started. We would like to take this moment to remind you that we are not to be held responsible for anything your unit does while in this mode. As it happens, there have only been one case where the owner succeeded to reverse this mode, and so to prevent possible homicide, we suggest that you try to capture your unit with the help of others (SCOTT MCCALL and DEREK HALE units preferably) and hold him down with duct tape until we can come and reset your unit for you. Good luck!

 

**End Notes**

With love, devotion and a dash of humour, the STILES STILINSKI unit can be a great comrade for the rest of your life.

**Author's Note:**

> Here's my [tumblr](http://wednesdaythunder.tumblr.com/) if anyone's interested :)


End file.
